A Genuinely Revelatory Encounter in the Public House Restroom Line

Just before the festive season, I had an extraordinary episode. I believe it did me good. This took place at a get-together of a group of longtime companions, who happen to be dentists, but it's not relevant. The attending group were exclusively male, which turns out to be key.

A Novel Scenario

The location was a bar and eatery doing a brisk business. A wasted daytime was shared by the group. Fine cuisine, good beverages and remarkably entertaining stories about dentistry. Naturally, the time came for excursions to the gents. Those who ventured off, I partially registered, appeared to be absent a significant period. I didn't ponder the reason this might have been, but when it came to my turn, everything was revealed.

Upon turning the bend, and what should I find but a long queue for the gents' lavatory. No queue at all for the female facilities, but a great long one for the gents'. What bizarre turn was this? This was not a reality any of us in this gathering knew.

An Experience of the Norm

Let me state unequivocally, I am not asking for pity from any female reader here. I am acutely cognizant that, for women, having to queue to use a convenience is the norm. On countless occasions have I seen women standing in a row while men in the comparable place have to do nothing of the sort?

In addition to the annoyance of needing to wait to use a convenience, there’s a tinge of embarrassment about lingering there, awaiting something that men typically don’t have to experience. It was truly sobering to have a sample of it myself, watching the women walk straight through the entrance while I was compelled to wait patiently with others with my companions, looking distractedly at anything we had in our trouser pockets and scrolling through our handsets.

The Art of Toilet Queue Conversation

There’s a complete conversational genre here – toilet queue chitchat – of which men have scant knowledge. Women, I surmise, have become adept to be rather good at it, sharing pleasantries and an interesting comment or two.

About this topic I’ve consulted some lady acquaintances of my circle. The consensus is that intra-queue interaction is restricted to the odd exasperated look and the comment: “Screw this, I’m going to use the gents'.” A associate told me it’s exclusively at the washbasins subsequently that conversation tends to start up.

Had I been a lady, I’d not spend a moment on both small talk or silence. If I was obliged, repeatedly, to wait in a public line only for the privilege to relieve myself, I’d express my fury like crazy at the sheer unfairness of it. A valuable measure for any advanced society would be balanced access in toilet waiting times. I’m researching data on this.

Comradely Interaction in the Queue

Returning to my queue, I attempted to spark some male camaraderie flowing about this new state of affairs of ours. I clicked my tongue a bit, rolled my eyes and said something like: “Well, this makes an disagreeable difference, isn't it boys?”

Someone smiled, someone else looked blank, a other man looked sheepish. Another gave a dismissive wave as if this was one more manifestation of a failing society, political correctness etc. Otherwise, quiet prevailed. Someone emerged, adjusting his clothing. The line advanced a position. Two more men entered the end of it. I sighed.

A Silent Moment

A lady wafted out of the next-door restroom, all clean and relaxed. It was perfectly okay for some. I grinned sheepishly at her, endeavouring to express recognition of this upside-down situation. Her response was: “Don't come to me for sympathy, you blighter. Return when you’ve endured this on a regular basis and at that point I could give you the courtesy.”

In reality, she never spoke that. She uttered anything. But I believe that’s what she was implying. And I truly wouldn’t blame her.